Bad Timing…page 150 of 365

It’s Sunday morning and it’s already 80 degrees and it’s not even 10:00 am. It is Texas, so I should be used to this weather during the summer, but I’m never ready for it. I have been debating if I was going to go outside and write while sipping on my coffee, but the air in my house and my king of comfort feel great so I’ll just stay inside and watch my favorite movie Love Jones. It’s a romantic comedy that follows two people Nina and Darius going through the ins and outs of a relationship. The music, the poetry, the friendship, and the ups downs of relationships make it one of my all-time favorites. My favorite scene is when Nina and Darrius have met each other for the second time and Darrius is trying his best to get Nina to go out with him. She says one simple phrase a phrase that has so much meaning and in my opinion is an underlying theme in the movie. He asks her out for drinks and she simply respond,” It’s just bad timing. nothing personal.” Throughout the movie timing plays a huge part in their relationship. From the first moment they met, while being together, and apart, and eventually reconnecting timing is key. I couldn’t help but think about the events in my own life and how over the past few days I found myself in a “bad timing “situation.  Recently I was seeing a guy who in told me it was bad timing for him to be in a serious relationship since having just recently divorced. We had been seeing each other for a few weeks when he could tell that I wanted something more. At first the words stung like a bee, but I appreciated the fact that he told me how he felt early on instead of leading me on for months knowing he wanted nothing serious. Now that would have been bad timing too because at that point I would have been furious that he didn’t tell me sooner.  After he told me this, I couldn’t help but wonder, am I even ready for relationship and is it the right time for me to be in one?

As I sit here under my fan sipping on my mimosa I began to think about how timing is crucial in our decision-making process. If one rushes into something too soon or too late it can alter the next outcome in our lives. Life events such a move, investments, job offer all involve good or bad timing. However, I think when it comes to relationships timing is crucial. One party can be ready the other party may not be ready for a committed relationship for various reasons. Reasons such as having just gotten out of a relationship or maybe their finances or time won’t allow them to be in a one. I look at it like this two people can meet have a lot in common and seems like everything would work out, but if the timing isn’t right well no reason to force something at that moment. In all areas of our lives when the time is right everything will fall into place.

I do know this, God’s timing is always right in everything that is involved in our lives. For his time is always perfect.

So now it’s time for me to go and see my GG one last time. I won’t look at it as bad timing just the right time for her to be at peace.

Have a Wonderful Wednesday

 

Royalty/ Loyalty page 128 of 365

It’s 6 am Saturday and I am up listening to the thoughts race in my mind. Amazing to me that my mind seems to stay in overdrive with things that I need to do, topics I want to write about, finances, kids, and the list goes on and on. So, I do what any person in 2018 does I scrolled through social media sites and discovered the royal wedding was being televised. Yes, I know, I’m one of those people that is intrigued by the royal family of England and the glitz and glamour of their weddings. Not only is it the weddings, but the history of the monarchy that is interesting to me.  I am captivated by the fact that in their culture marriages were for the most part arranged. Arranged in the manner that two people having never met were placed together for strategic reasons, often to create an alliance with various European countries to strengthen them. Marriages at that time wasn’t based on love rather they were based on the control of power. Affection and romance were not top priority at the time only politics and diplomatic reasons were the main reasons people were married. Now that is in the past and today arranged marriages in the British royal family is not practiced. Today, marriage is based on love and personal affection towards one another. As I sat eyes glazed at the tv I noticed two people coming from different backgrounds who chose each other to marry all the while having their scarcet ceremony displayed for all to see.

As I was watching in awe of what is now the Duke and Duchess of Sussex I couldn’t help but think of how happy they looked and how it all reminded me of a fairy tale. A fairy tale that I too sought after and wanted to experience.  A fairy tale that while growing up as little girls in our society we are told in books and stories that to have a happy ending we should find our prince and live happily ever after. There is the white dress full of tulle, the tiara made of lace encrusted with diamonds, friends and family to see us walk down the aisle on our wedding day while the birds chirp and the sun is out. Above everything else there is that “look” that he gives her as she walks down the aisle. It’s that “look” where the eyes say so much and the tongue is speechless.  Everything is said to be perfect. It was in 2001 when I had my fairy tale wedding. That dream to be a princess finally came true and in true fashion everything was perfect. From my dress, to the weather, and even the “look” he gave me as I walked down the aisle. However, in the fairy tale stories the author doesn’t continue and tell how life after the wedding is. I mean that would be too much of a reality and no longer a fairy tale. The author does not go on to tell the reader that there will be disagreements, kids that will keep you up at night, bills to pay, and countless real-life events that affect your marriage. How to effectively communicate and loyalty towards one another are not written in the story. That part you learn on your own because the author doesn’t want the fantasy to become a reality.

What I have learned is in our society the story line of these great love stories centers around how the couple met and the wedding, never the ins and outs of the marriage itself. We the reader especially women are amazed and intrigued by the romance of that part of the story. To me that is the easy part and yes while romanticize the true love story is the daily adventures of the marriage. I would like a story that shows the interactions that a couple experiences after the pomp and circumstance is over. To me that is the more meaningful than fairytale of the wedding because it is the real and true.

So, as I sit here and reflect on this warm summer morning sipping my coffee, I think about the next chapter in my life. How I am a princess in my heart. I wear my tiara every day which is only visible to me, my smile is as white as my dress, my heart full of love like the sun as it shines bright in the sky. I no longer need or want the fairy tale wedding and all the glitz and glamor that surrounds a 2 to 3-hour event. What I want is the reality of a marriage that is filled with love that will last for years to come and that we will look at each other daily in amazement because we are loyal to each other. I won’t seek out my prince for I know that he will find me and when the time is right we will meet while smoking cigars sipping on scotch and he will give the “look” because he will know that I am his princess.

Followers and watchers page 108 of 365

It is Monday the start of another work week and I’m still in bed knowing I need to get up and be great. However, in his usual fashion my king of pleasure is holding me down. I’m laying here thinking about this past weeks events that have happened in my life. My brain is on overdrive and just like any woman over the age of 30 I’m thinking of 50 things at once. The usual finances, kids, men, family, my book, my blog, and the list goes on and on. What stands out the most is what happened at work this past week.

I’m a kindergarten teacher, yes I find it hard to believe at times that I actually teach little people. I even find it harder that I left corporate America to teach. I’ve been teaching for 2 years now and love it. The joy they bring daily is something that is indescribable. My teaching style is very structured however we have fun. In other words they know that Ms.Goode does not tolerate foolishness. I love what I do and it feels good to know that I could be setting the foundation for the next President, inventor, etc. I do my job well and make sure I stay out of teacher gossip. So when I received an email from my principal I immediately thought I did something wrong. You know that feeling you get at the pit of your stomach when your boss wants to speak with you? A feeling of uneasiness and your mind wanders like what the hell did I do? I finally decided to read the email after staring at my computer for 5 min giving myself a panic attack. I was speechless when I read it. Out of all the teachers they chose me to observe as part of an interview peocess. I was flattered and figured I must be doing something right. I couldn’t help but wonder, when did he see me teach a lesson? He’s peeped his head in a few times to speak maybe that was all he needed to see. Has he been watching me all along and I didn’t know it? Was it another staff member who observed me and gave him feedback? At any rate one thing I realized is you never know who is watching you.

In our society we are all watchers to a certain degree. The social media world has led us to be consumed with watching other people’s movements in life as well following to see what people are doing. We are curious to see what others are doing. My GG would say, “You never know who is watching you so be on your best behavior”. It’s funny and after all these years her words are applicable in my daily movements.

As I create a brand for myself people are watching me via Facebook and as I increase my exposure people began to follow me on IG. As I educate my students my administrators will observe my teaching style. Even my students are watching what I say, how I say things, and they are also watching my mannerisms. Even when dating we tend to watch someone else’s movements before approaching them. Women, at one point in time we have watched a guys movements before we strike up a conversation. Men do this as well observing to see how we carry ourselves in public. We are always watching and if we are intrigued or it’s something or someone we want we will then follow.

So as I prepare for my day I will be mindful of my actions and how I speak to people. I will be conscientious of what I say and aware of my disposition when speaking with others.

One thing is for certain God is always watching over me keeping me safe and because of this I try my best to follow in his footprints.

Have a great Monday!

Scandal page 102 of 365

For seven years I have been in a mind blowing whirlwind relationship. An affair of sorts that would occur every week involving romance, drama, intrigue, and often times murder. As crazy as our love affair was with all of the lies and deceit that frequently occurred I remained faithful. Each Thursday at 8:00 pm we would meet for dinner and wine and for an hour my mind was stimulated by the romance that we often times shared. Rarely was I late for my date because I didn’t want to miss out on anytime spent that we would spend together. For seven years I was in a committed relationship that came to an end the same day we met which was a Thursday in April. For seven years I was in love with Scandal. A show created and written by Shonda Rimes and she with other writers kept me coming back for more each week. I was hooked on the show simply because I was thrown into another world. A world like no other.

Now like with any good show filled with great writing, acting, and plot twists I had my favorite character which of course was Oliva Pope. Now she was something else to say the least often times not caring who she hurt to get what she wanted. I related to her not in this sense of hurting others, but her sense of style and confidence, and saying what was on her mind. If she wanted something badly enough she fought to get it not giving up. That characteristic alone is what I too found myself possessing. See, as I found my purpose in life which is writing and to become a motivational speaker I realized that if I truly want to fulfill my dream I can’t give up on something that I want. I can’t allow people to sway me with negative thoughts telling me that it can’t be done at all or telling me that it will take longer than the time I have allowed myself to accomplish my goals. I can’t afford to become lazy and fall prey to procrastnation. I can’t allow certain people and situtations become distractions throwing me off course. I can’t feel defeteated if challenges arise. I have and must continue to press on to accomplish my dreams. The question that I now ask myself is how bad I want it?

As I continued to watch the show and follow the twists and turns of the story line, one thing was for certain. She was becoming stronger each episode driven by her obsession to have power only to become weak at the same time. Weak in the sense she was in love with someone that she could not have. Amazes me that we, women and men can fight for what we want when it comes to our careers, dreams, and fulfilling our goals we won’t let anything get in our way if we truly want it bad enough. We are strong in these areas of our lives only to be weak when it comes to love. I mean when we meet the that special person we let any guards that we have down, do things that we may or may not do, we feel safe and secure with that person trusting them with our innermost thoughts. For the simple fact is we all want to be loved by that special person. Olivia was in love with Fitz who for the majority of the show was married therefore they truly had a love affair. This entire story line resonated with me because I too had feelings for someone who I can’t be with because he is committed to someone else. I mean there was no affair like in the show, but the feelings were there and at the end of the day there can be no “us” because there will always be a “them”. How frustrating is it meet someone that you have a genuine interest in and they have a whole cootie cat at home?

On April 19,2018 my love affair came to an end. Our seven year courtship had run its course and it is time to move on. No more lies, deceit, twists and turns of political madness. My Thursdays will now consist of business meetings while smoking cigars at my favorite cigar lounge. I will continue to hold my head high, dressed in Olivia Pope fashion walking like I can rule the world. For I will fullfill my dreams never giving up becoming stronger each day. I know that my life will never be like Scandal, however I can’t wait to meet my Fitz. My Fitz is somewhere smoking a cigar, drinking Macallan, listening to the tunes of David Caesar or Stokley belt out Organic. He will encourage and always be there for me. He will make me weak with his touch, voice, and how he looks at me with excitement.

So make it a great day ! Don’t let 4/20 cause a SCANDAL in your life!!! Be great and be high!!!

Filter… or lack there of page 106 of 365

Here it is Tuesday at 5:45 am and I need to get out of my king of pleasure. My king has been holding me hostage for 30 minutes now with his warm embrace. The fluffiness of his arms A.K.A my pillows are in the right position and I can’t move or rather I simply don’t want to move. However, I tell myself I need to get up and get to work so I won’t be late and get written up again because my king won’t let me go. Once I’m up I’m alert and began to get my day started. I go through my usual morning routine shower, listen to music, pray, get the kids up, and cook breakfast. Now experts say( whoever experts are) that breakfast is the meal needed to start your day. While I couldn’t agree more with them, I would have to add another substance to my daily breakfast menu to get my day started. First it’s the aroma that calls my name simply because it’s strong and robust and the it fills the air with its richness. It’s  black rich body has been simplified to grounds for my drinking pleasure. By now I am sure you know I am referring to good old coffee, java, cup of Joe, and other countless names given to this caffeine drug.  Coffee is my fix each and every day. It could be a mental obsession, but nevertheless, it is my drink of choice in the morning. See this is the one thing that I will not rush with or be in a hurry to do in the morning and that is making coffee. Just like sex you need take your time, make sure there is the right amount of water to prevent it from being weak , and you need protection a filter. So naturally, when it comes to making my drink of choice in the morning, I take my time assuring myself that I have done everything correctly. There is one main factor or tool needed when making coffee the old fashion way and that is a filter. As I stand here placing the robust grinds of flavor in the filter I was amazed that a thin white film of paper plays such an important role in the coffee-making process. The filter holds and separates the grinds from the pot. I mean who wants tiny specks of coffee grinds in their coffee? As I stand here thinking and taking in the aroma, I realized that I too have a filter and that in fact we all do. Now you’re probably wondering what my filter is and it is my mouth.

I realized when I turned 40 I began to say exactly what was on my mind. If something is bothering me I say it. If I like something I say it. I noticed that I no longer have a filter meaning now I say what is on my mind. See before, I would keep my feelings inside, not sure how or if I should express my thoughts and feelings. My friend said I’m “gutta” , I’m”savage” with my words , and Oak Cliff is my hood!!! For example, as I was attempting to have a conversation with a guy I recently met and the conversation was bone dry. I mean the conversation was drier than my skin when my eczema flares up. So I told him that having a conversation with him is dry. It was the first thought that came to my mind so I said it. I figured no point in beating around the bush just say what is the obvious and keep it moving in life. That is my motto.

So as I sip my coffee I can’t help but think that my thoughts are robust and strong like my coffee grinds. Except I don’t have a filter to separate my thoughts on what to say and what to hold back. I realize that I am officially Dorothy and Sophia from the Golden Girls I say what the fuck I want to !  I should probably have one, then again HELL NO!

Have a Wonderful Wednesday !

Dreams Deferred…page 98 of 365

Dreams we all have them and it’s amazing how a series of thoughts, images,or sensations can be so life-like and real.  We can dream about family members, friends, children, and even a series of life events. I often think that God speaks to me in my dreams telling me or showing me what I need to do in my life. Not only do we dream about people who are important to us or have a series of images in our heads while sleep there is another form of a dream that we have. We all have goals, desires, and ideas that we want to accomplish in a matter of months or sometimes years depending on what it is. Our goals or desires are another form a dream. They are thoughts  and images of how we are going to execute our goals replayed in our mind, and the sensation is so real one can taste it.  For me and I would imagine for anyone else, our aspirational dreams are close to our hearts. We hold tight to our aspirational dreams because they are important to us. Often times we may or may not reveal our aspirational dreams to everyone because they can be dream snatchers. Now if you don’t know what a dream snatcher is ,it is a person who either wants to steal our dreams or throws us off course preventing us from accomplishing our hearts desires.

This past weekend I encountered a dream snatcher. Now I have known this person for several months and when asked where do I see myself in 5 years I told him. It’s simple, my dream is to be a motivational speaker, have 4 books published, and have my own tv show. I was taken aback by his response because I was told Sunday via text at 7:01 pm that “to  become a motivational speaker it doesn’t happen right away and that it couldn’t happen in 5 years”.  Clearly I just looked at the phone and was speechless. In the blink of an eye my dreams were deferred by someone’s words. I felt defeated in a matter of minutes. As I drove home I couldn’t help but think about my favorite poet Langston Hughes and his poem ” Dream Deferred”.  Would I allow someone to defer my dreams and have me think that my “dreams could fester like a sore or become dry like a raisin in the sun”? The answer,” HELL NO”!! However, for a moment I questioned if I truly could make my dreams a reality. Amazing how someones words can have such an impact on our thoughts and feelings. As I drove home I shared my ” dream deferred ” conversation with two of my friends. Both supportive  and giving me great advice on steps that I need to take to make my dreams come to fruition. Nothing negative to say only positive words of encouragement and consistently telling me that it can be done within my 5 year time frame. After talking to them I instantly felt much better. I mean deep down in my spirit I know I will see my dreams come to life, but when you tell someone what your dreams are and they speak negatively you can’t help but question yourself.

Our dreams aren’t meant to be deferred. They are our inner most desires and thoughts that reflect our purpose in life. We cannot let outsiders become dream snatchers by their words and actions. However, it is up to us to hold fast to our dreams and not let anyone rob us of them. We can’t allow anyone’s negative words dictate our thoughts therefore making us become doubtful. I will not allow dream snatchers be part of my life for they are only there to rob me of my purpose and drain me of my energy. I will only allow dream catchers to be part of my life. Always encouraging me and letting me know that my dreams will become a reality.

So today I challenge you to not let your dreams be deferred. Don’t let them sag or explode, don’t let them fester, but rather keep them held high close to your heart.

And remember tell those dream snatchers to FUCK OFF!!!

Happy Tuesday!

Timing page 96 of 365

Here it is Thursday at 10:55 pm and I have been staring at my computer trying to decide how to start this post. I mean I know what I want to talk about, but sometimes getting started can be challenging. So I did what I do best take my time and do everything else but get started. I get on social media, text my friends, text my crush , watch t.v., etc. I simply find everything to do that doesn’t have anything to do with writing which is sad to say the least because I love writing! I couldn’t help but think about how much time I waste doing non productive things when I could be productive. It amazes me how much of our time is wasted on procrastination, being idle, and not being productive? Time is something that we all take for granted and don’t appreciate. I can look at the minutes scale down to the next hour and look up and I haven’t done whay I needed to do or be where I need to be. One thing that I’m consistent with is being late and thst s not something I want to be proud of.

See eariler this week I was written up at work for my tardiness. I’m suppose to be at work at 7:30am however I roll up 7:35, 7:40, 7:45 with food in hand and not really in a hurry. I figure well I’m already late let me stop and get something to eat. Better to be late and have food than to be late and be hangry because I didn’t eat. That has been my way of thinking for as long as I can remember. Timining and having a sense of urgency to get somewhere on time has never been a priority. Hell even to arrive early has not been something I’ve strived to do. I’ve always had the mindset of being fashionably late. So while I was leisurely procrastanting in writing this I was talking to my publicist Shar. I think everyone needs a Shar. She’s a Guru, life coach, basically the person God has placed in my life to help me be a better version of myself. She keeps it real with me and is straight up and down like 6 o’clock. So as I was telling her about my lack of time management skills she made it clear. She only said one word “mindset”. My mindset needed to change in order for me to get anywhere or do anything on time. How true is this? I thought about my mornings when I’m rushing cursing drivers out because I’m late or when I get upset with my kids because they are moving too slow for me. She made me realize I needed to change my mindset and so I did. Just the other day I waited on my doctor for 30 min. I was livid! I thought he doesn’t appreciate or respect my time. Yet here I am running late for work putting my co-workers in a bind because I’m being disrespectful of their time. I was the pot calling the kettle black.

So here it is Friday and I’m completing this post. I didn’t finish it last night because I wanted to get to bed on time and wake up early. I wanted my mind to be fresh and clear. Arriving 15 minutes early today felt great! Not rushing and not stressed out simply because I changed my way of thinking. I know God wants me to do more than what I’m currently doing right now with my life. He’s shown me the doors that he can open for me but I have to appreciate what I have now and respect this thing in life called time. How can he bless me with speaking engagements and I’m late everywhere I go? That’s a disservice to myself and my audience.

So I challenge you to make every second, minute, every hour count. Don’t fall victim of procrastination. Don’t disrespect something that means so much in our lives. Time is given to us everyday. How will you utilize it?

Time is everything and the clock is ticking! Make it a Fantastic Friday