Foundation… page 92 of 365

My two favorite non alcohol drinks are Dr.Pepper and Topo Chico. Since my youngest was born and my taste buds changed I often times crave Dr.Pepper and recently I’ve been on a mineral water kick. I tried the Topo Chico at my friends’ house and my taste buds have been in love ever since. Now I know Dr.Pepper has been around since the beginning of time, but didn’t know how long Topo Chico had been in business. When I googled them they were founded in 1885 and Topo Chico was founded in 1895. Here it is 133 plus years later and both are still in existence and popular among the masses. I couldn’t help but wonder, how are they able to sustain the perils of our topsy turvy economy and the ever-changing fads and trends within our society? After all ,there are countless of carbonated beverages on grocery store shelves as we speak so how are these two still maintaining? What foundation was set in place hundreds of years ago so that they could be around today?

Now clearly I wasn’t around then to see these companies start, but one thing I know for sure is foundation to anything is key. If you think about it foundation is the base that makes up the structure to hold buildings,houses, and statues. All these are physical things we can see. However, foundation is just as important to the things we can’t touch. I think of my marriage and honestly I can say now it wasn’t founded properly. The foundation that started our courtship leading to our marriage was weak. The beams to hold it in place were tarnished by verbal abuse, alcohol, and not knowing how to effectively communicate with each other. By the 6th year of our marriage the support to hold it in place was as weak as a trailer home in a tornado! All of the support was weakned from anger and had water damage because of the tears that I cried. Marriage is one area that without a strong foundation of communication, team work, financial awareness, spiritual realtionship with God it will and can fall apart over a period of time.

I started to think about how the foundation must be strong when raising my boys. What I do now raising them is valuable for them as they get older. Teaching them to be responsible and respectful young men is so important. How to treat women, build a relationship with God are all part of a strong foundation that can’t afford to be weak.

This weekend was yet another eye opener for me. I reflected on the foundation and structure of my friendships and career in education. The women I surround myself with are strong and supportive and we each hold the other up when we feel the pressures of jobs, kids, finances, etc.. I even thought about my career as an educator and the grade level which I teach is the foundation to their educational lives. Everything that surrounds me involves foundation and structure.

Most importantly, while at church I thought about my purpose as an author and blogger. The lyrics that came to mind were,” On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand.” Such powerful and impactful words. My words and execution of my book and blog must be solid so that I can be successful. I can’t afford any area in my life to be on a weak unsecure platform. As long as I stand on the solid rock that God has placed before me I will be successful in all areas of my life.

So I ask you what are you standing on? What structures are holding your life in place? What does your foundation look like?

I want my purpose in my words to last for the next 100 plus years like Dr. Pepper and Topo Chico and be meaningful like ole school hip hop !

Make it a Meaningful Monday!

YOLK..page 89 of 365

It’s Friday end of the week and it also happens to be Good Friday. I’m off work and kids are at a day camp so I have the pleasure of enjoying me and having quiet time. The weather is nice the sun is out and it’s not too hot. Now in Texas you take advantage of days like this because once the summer hits it will feel like you’re in an oven all day! Today is a great day for patio vibes consisting of mimosas or Ketel One with a twist of lime,and Pandora set on Jill or Raheem.

Since I knocked out all of my errands early, I decided to go to my favorite brunch spot downtown. I love it here. The food is amazing, customer service is great, and I can valet park at no charge. Now for me that is a winner to valet park because I hate parking downtown! I get all confused with the one way streets and would lose my car. Yes sounds crazy, but it’s happened before. I have college degree, am an educator, author, have popped out 2 kids, can make $100.00 last for the entire month, but have no fucking sense of direction!!! LOL So valet parking is my best friend.

As I sit here at my table for one I take in the decor, the structure ,and the overall architectural design of the establishment. It’s different and not constructed like most eateries. They have 2 main colors throughout which are yellow and blue with just a hint of grey and white in certain areas. The blue reminds me of the deep blue ocean while the yellow is a reflection of the sun rays pouring in from the sky lights. The hint of white throughout are the clouds. The structure consists of brick pillars and the floor is of wood grain tiles. You can see the steel beams as well in the center of the establishment. As I sit here I began to realize why this place is my zen, my quiet place despite the noise of the music and the clanking of the dishes. This place is me. I’m strong like the steel beams throughout. My spirit is bright and radiant like the yellow and my smile reflecting my pearly whites like the white tile. The brick is my wall that I have placed over my heart so it won’t break again. The blue is sometimes the sadness that consumes me when I wonder am I doing enough for my boys? The thought of them growing up and being released in the world scares me. The blue is the uncertainty of me wondering will I be single forever? The blue is fear and doubt that enters my mind. Fear such as can I really be a successful author? Doubting myself that it will not work. I don’t have these thoughts often, but when I do it’s the blue in me it’s the sadness.

So as I get ready to pay and leave my zen, my brick and mortar reflection of me I will be bright like the yellow, smiling showing my pearly whites, strong like the steel beams and wood grain flooring. However, I won’t be blue and today I will start chipping away at the brick wall outlining my heart .

So today find your favorite place that’s your zen and be yellow and bright!

Make it a Good Friday!

Now that I’m in my 40’s… page 87 of 365

I will be 42 in October and as I sit and listen to the music coming from the rain I can’t help but reflect and think about my life. So much has happened since the stroke of midnight two years ago when I turned 40. At that time I remember waking up saying I’m going to start a blog or write a book about my life. Simply because well I have a story like we all do and my life has been interesting to say the least. From my childhood to adolsolence , to college years to marriage to divorce and now a single mother raising two boys all of these growing phases and pains have given me the strength that I have today. However, it has been the past 2 and a half years that have truly been defining for me. I quit my job in NC as a banker to move back to TX and pursue a career in education. With this change in careers I discovered my purpose.

My purpose is in my words and my voice. I’ve discovered the power in unleashing my mind and putting my thoughts on paper. This has led me to discover that unleasing my hands to write and executing my words is tranquil for me. By realizing my talent and purpose in writing I am beginning to see things differently about my life therefore, unleashing my eyes. Leonardo DiCaprio said it best as he portrayed Jack in the Titanic,” Life is a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You learn to take life as it comes at you. I learn to make each day count.” His entire statement is true in my opinion and once my eyes were unleashed to see what my purpose was this has been my daily motto. Yet ,I’ve added to that stament and that is simply to make each second, each minute, each hour count.

Now ,however I did realize that in addition to unleashing my mind, my hands, and my eyes there were two key areas that needed unleashing. One is my heart the other my mouth. Over the years, I have allowed myself to be in some shitty relationships and situationships and I built a wall on my heart. I decided that I would trust my heart in God’s hand and not man. Yet in doing so I allowed myself to put up a barrier. Like this wall is so high and thick it’s going to take an act of Congress to get thru. Unfortunately by doing this I’ve been told I’m mean or that I don’t care. In my mind I don’t see it that way. When deep down inside I do, but my heart that one vessel that pumps blood throughout my body so that I can function I haven’t unleashed it. I haven’t unleashed it to love anyone anymore because in addition to the blood that it filters through my body it also filters hurt. Well because of this my mouth sometimes unleashes words that can hurt because I’m afraid to unleash words that show I care. Hence I write my uttermost thoughts and feelings making my mouth say the things that I choose not to articulate. My mouth comes alive on paper and unleashing my heart to pump the letters and words to express my feelings.

So as I continue to embrace my 40’s I will continue to embrace my purpose. My purpose to write and to make each day count. I’ll continue to unleash my mind, hands, and eyes. At 41 I’m beginning to see that it’s ok to unleash my heart, but only to the right one designed for me. It’s ok to unleash my mouth to tell him how I feel because he will feel the same way. I will no longer be mean I’ll be nice LOL!

So I ask you at whatever age you are how are you making each day count? Are you unleashing your mind, eyes, hands, heart, and mouth for your purpose?

Have a great Whisky Wednesday!

March Madness…Mecury Retrograde page 85 of 365

During the month of March there is alot that goes on each year during these 31 days. Spring begins, time changes, and college basketball is in an uproar with playoffs. College teams across the country are fighting for the title of being number one in NCAA basketball. In addition to these events there is also the occurance of Mercury Retrograde. If you’re not familiar with the concept it’s basically the orbital movement of Mercury and how it affects our everyday lives. During this 3 week span of solar system movement it is said that because of the shift in the planet Mercury appears to move backward effecting our daily lives. Communication and travel plans are thrown off course because Mercury is said to rule communication. When the planet is in retrograde it can cause confusion,delay in projects, and frustration. Now I’m not sure if you believe in any of this, but one thing is for certain my entire month of March has been both a cluster fuck of events and new beginnings.

In the course of 26 days I have been stalked with some sort of tracking device via my phone or email, lied to by what turned out to be a fuck boy who said he wasn’t in a relationship but really he was and the entire time he had a whole cootie cat at home, it had been going on 2 weeks since I had vitamin Dick, and to top it off my skin was flaring up with eczema due to the change in weather. Oh and I almost forgot while leaving an event it was raining so bad my car started to hydroplane. I pulled over to check my tires and some weirdo in what appeared to be the Scooby Doo Mystery mobile pulled behind me. I got in my car so fast and by the grace of God I made it home safely. So yes my life was a walking Mercury Retrograde and March Madness.

Now here it is Monday March 26th and over the weekend God closed some doors and puts burglar bars on them so new doors would open. It’s funny how He speaks to us in various ways. Sunday He spoke through my publicist Shar. She told me how to market my book said I needed to use my voice to reach my target audience which are women. So I did just that and using my voice I met 2 amazing women who shared their story with me. One made a purchase and the other signed up to follow my blog and she graciously paid for my groceries! How amazing is that?

So with only a few more days remaining in the month I will not allow the planets to dictate my life’s events. The planets may be in retrograde moving backward but I will fight against the angst of the cosmic solar system and move forward. There will no longer be Madness in March only Marching and Moving forward.

So I challenge you to use your voice so you can be heard ,listen to God when he speaks, don’t open doors he’s closed, and most importantly don’t allow life’s cluster fucks of events send you into an orbital nightmare.

Move and March forward this Monday!

Spring …page 80 of 365

It is officially spring and during this time of the year while on break I partake in the usual “Spring Cleaning” song and dance. Cleaning my house from top to bottom, cleaning baseboards, the garage, reorganizing my kitchen, and going thru my families closets. The boys have a fashion show trying on clothes and anything they can’t wear I get rid of by donating. Very time consuming but worth it in the end. Our closets are free of any unnecessary items creating more space for the new items. That old saying “out with the old in with new” applies during my Spring Break cleaning process. It is always a much needed break I think for all of us because one can reflect on what lies ahead for the remainder of the year and even what has transpired in the prior months. The weather is changing getting warmer in certain regions and the days are longer.

While in the mist of cleaning I couldn’t help but think about the time changing and how we spring forward adding an additional hour to our lives of busyness and time to enjoy the additional sunlight. As I sat here in the mist of my clothes I realized I have always cleaned my house and rid of it of clutter, but never really my mind. Never have I said to myself, “whilst removing the tangible items let me remove the clutter of my mind” or ” let me spring forward with my way of thinking “. At that moment a choice was made to remove any mind clutter. This consists of contacts in my phone who I allowed to fill my mind with clutter, old photos of previous lovers, and text messages that I’ve received from them or anyone else who takes up unnecessary mental space. At that moment I made the conscious decision to spring forward with my way of thinking. No longer would I allow certain personalities such as insecurity, jealously, anger, or confusion cloud my mind creating a dense fog of bullshit. I have so much to do with my purpose in life that springing forward and spring cleaning of my mind is a must it’s simply a requirement.

This past week several events led to this defining moment in my life. Events that I will speak about later in my poetry and upcoming blog posts.

So today at this very moment I choose to spring forward in my way of thinking only allowing positive thoughts. I declare at this very moment to remove clutter from my mind and spirit. For at this very moment even when the time has changed and we “fall back” an hour I won’t fall back mentally to old habits or “fall back ” in the arms of past lovers who aren’t good for me and clutter my mind with confusion or sadness. For at this very moment I will always spring forward.

What spring cleaning are you doing ?

Transisitional Tuesday

I speak you listen..page 75 of 365

Last night my friend invited me to a quaint spot in the heart of my beloved city Dallas in an area known as Deep Ellum. For the locals here, Deep Ellum is known for its eclectic style,artsy venues, and vibrant street art. Deep Ellum is the place where you can go and express yourself showcasing your talents. If you’re a musician, poet, writer, or artist this is where you want to be in Dallas. The goal or mission I believe for this area is to simply inspire someone. Inspire them to express themselves using their creative talents. So it is fitting for the spot that we visited to be called The Prophet Bar and by definition, the word prophet means a person regarded as an inspired teacher and to me that was the Prophet Bar is.

Once I entered the energy the vibe radiated everywhere in the music and the people. The ambiance reminded me of the lounge in my favorite movie Love Jones. One has to be living under a rock if you haven’t seen Love Jones. Since it was open mic night I figured I would sign up. Now it took me 2 drinks and several minutes to decide if I was going to put my name on the list. After several moments I did it. I was nervous, but decided I was going to say my poem. Well as time passed and the music continued to play I would not be able to participate in the open mic. My time was up, I had waited to long to make up my mind if I was going to say my poem or not. The live band that was scheduled to perform that night was setting up. I had missed my opportunity by being afraid and I was scared to have my voice be heard. I mean for me it is easy to write my feelings, but to articulate them make those words come to life off paper and vocalize them I had never done before. I decided at that moment I would never be afraid again nor would I miss an opportunity to be heard.

Growing up my grandmother would tell me ” children are to be seen and not heard” . Meaning that I needed to be quiet when out in public or among other adults. I discovered that while growing up my voice is heavy and at times I can sound like Bea Arthur or Ertha Kitt. I mean as a female who wants to be talking like I’m two octaves away from sounding like Barry White or Telly Savalas. So often times I really didn’t talk, but I had no problem reciting essays or speaking in front of the class. I knew how to reach the audience by making eye contact, being humorous, and my body language displayed this. I was fluid not stiff in my movements as I spoke in the front of the class. I was never really nervous. Public speaking to me was easy and I felt comfortable on a stage in front of an audience. However,over the years, though I lost my ability to speak. Meaning that I felt my voice was not being heard. I would say things and felt no one was listening so I kept everything inside. When I discovered I had a tumor on my pituitary gland I spoke of this to no one. I mean here I am at the age of 21 and the doctor tells me I have a small tumor in my brain and I don’t tell anyone. I knew something wasn’t right with different symptoms that I encountered migraines and discharge from my breasts and I wasn’t pregnant and I kept all of this inside me. When my marriage was deteriorating away like an old leather handbag I told no one. My thought process is who is going to listen to me and actually care. Simply feeling voiceless I didn’t say anything. It wasn’t until at the age of 40 that I decided to use my voice. So that is when I decided to write my blog which turned into my book.

Sitting at The Prophet Bar listening to the artists and soaking up the creative energy that surrounded me, I realized my voice needed to be heard. It was time for voice to speak and not just on paper. Use my heavy vocals and speak to my audience no longer do I remain silent. No longer will I miss my opportunity to share my talent which has been given to me. Now is the time to for me to express myself for my voice is to shine bright. Now is the time for I am a writer and a poet who speaks and is no longer scared. I have words with meaning and have a voice so I will use it.

So today I ask you, how are you being heard in this world full of noise? How are you expressing your talents? Where is your Deep Ellum ? Where is your Prophet Bar?

Have terrific Thursday and use your voice!

Energy page 72 of 365

Anyone that knows me is aware of how much I love Drake. I have said over and over again that I am going to meet him this year. I mean the man is fine as hell and not to mention he has “Obama swagger”, but what I love the most about him is his ability to communicate using his voice thru music. His lyrics are like verses from a hip hop bible and the words he says make sense if one simply takes the time to listen. He’s like a walking rap ministry. He has multiple songs that I like, but there are two that are my absolute favorite. “God’s Plan” and “Energy” speak volumes to me because the lyrics are true and meaningful. While over the weekend and having lunch with my friend we had a enlightening conversation about people and who we surround ourselves with. We discussed the people who we’ve dated and been in relationships with, friendships and people that we meet on a daily basis and how they either drain you of your energy or give you energy. One thing she said that resonated with me throughout the weekend was the energy that we all posses and how it can be transferred from one person to another. Energy that can either be positive or negative. Energy that is either aligned with our purpose or not aligned, and most importantly how is one channeling their energy? I couldn’t help but think about Drake and his lyrics for his song “Energy”. Basically he is telling his story of how the people that he meets or interacts with are trying to drain him of his energy. He goes on to talk about that he is looking out for friends and family and wants to help them despite having enemies that are draining his energy. All the time he has to protect his energy. ” Gotta lot of people tryna drain me of my energy” by far is the best lyric to me. Over the past two days I have been reflecting about this song and the people in my life and how these lyrics have impacted my relationships.

While being single for the past 6 years I’ve met several people that have been energy drainers or energy gainers. People that have taken my energy away or increased my energy levels. Thinking about my situationships, relationships, and what the fuck ships have drained me of my energy. The crazy thing is at the time when I surrounded myself with those energy drainers I was using what little positive energy I had to sustain the relationship. Always tired, restless nights, and feeling weak desperately trying to make something work with someone only for me to allow them to drain me. How exhausting is that? What I noticed was that the energy levels that I had carried from one relationship to another. So because my energy was drained I found myself meeting men whose energy was drained as well. Now here we are walking around together holding hands with no positive energy trying to sustain a positive relationship. How can two negative energy people possibly think they can have a positive relationship filled with positive energy. I’m thinking I am doing everything right and all the while any positive energy that I did have was being pulled out from me and not being given to me. It’s like that with friendships too. Are your friends bringing or taking away your energy? Do you feel consumed with negativity when speaking with them. Do their conversations simply make you tired?

As I move forward with my purpose I have become cautious with who I surround myself with. At this point in my life I have no desire or time to be amongst people who aren’t aligned with my purpose in life. Now more than ever while dating I protect my energy making sure that it is not consumed by an energy leech. While there are countless energy drinks out there that can give me energy lasting for 5 hours, I choose to rely on my natural energy. Making sure that I am surrounding myself with other people that have positive vibes and not “taking the wave from a sista”. I have learned to let go and detach myself from energy drainers and surround myself with energy gainers. I’ve realized that energy drainers are not only in the form of people but jobs as well.

So today, I choose to drink God’s energy drink. A drink that will last for more than 5 hours. A drink that as long as I consume it daily, I won’t have to worry about crashing. I choose to drink from the fountain of life that he has blessed me with. What energy drink are you consuming?

Have a great Tuesday and listen to Drake!